I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
