you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
