Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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