she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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