My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
