great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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