thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
