we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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