No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
