Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
