i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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