I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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