Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
