Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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