The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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