you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
