He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
