I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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