Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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