THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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