what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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