my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
