She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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