Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
