i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
