I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
