well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
