Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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