pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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