I bet he comes in French.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
