im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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