He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
