Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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