I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
