Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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