Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
