I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
