The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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