He kissed a someone with a penis
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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