you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
