There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
