I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
