Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
