I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
