maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
