oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
