carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
