My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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