i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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