If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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