jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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