Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
