Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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