So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
