Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
