shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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