his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
