just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
